Today, ladies and gentlemen, I get to undertake perhaps the best part of hitching yourself to another person in perpetuity; Hanni and I are going to go make a Wedding Gift Registry. Curse me for a materialistic member of the bourgeoisie, but my imagination crackles at the thought of using one of those little scanning guns to compile huge lists of potential gifts neither of us particularly needs. Images of me sprinting down the aisles of a department store cackling like at the top of my lungs and zapping bar codes like a shooting gallery dance through my mind.
I believe the plan is to hit Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond and perhaps the JCPenney Home Store. I don’t think comic book stores or the local Paradise Adult Superstore have wedding registries, so I’ll just have to see how many Transformers toys I can cram onto the list before Hanni threatens to call off the wedding altogether. I am especially excited about Bed, Bath & Beyond, however, because as anyone who knows me is aware, I am a huge whore for kitchen toys and dishware. I don’t think I’ve ever typed a gayer sentence in my life. Well, except maybe for that one time I was writing with someone’s cock in my mouth; that might have been a little gayer. 
Macy’s might be on the agenda as well, because their selection of cookware gives me a powerful erection. It looks like I might have to record Heroes tonight, because I’m not entirely sure we can complete our whiz-bang trip around the city before 8 o’clock.I find it a wonderful omen of our relationship that Hanni and I are more excited about the gift registry and the honeymoon trip than the actual wedding itself. Now if I could just talk her into having her first lesbian experience…
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