Next They’ll Want to Vote!

3/6/07


Occasionally when I have nothing on hand to read, I like to peruse the Springfield News Leader paper, especially the Opinion page, just for a laugh. Today did not disappoint. In the spirit of the 1890’s, we have this wildly insane letter from Chris Fluharty of Springfield, who invites us to step back into the time before Christ. This is mad-awesome.

Women should work at homeRe: "Racism, sexism still exist, [sic] are often
ignored," May 3 Brian Lewis column.

To answer Brian Lewis’ first
challenge, I say no. No, a woman should not supervise a man. God in his infinite
wisdom established gender roles for society. We have ignored those commanded
roles to satisfy political correctness. When women were at home being moms and
wives, kids were not knocking over stores or being knocked up in anywhere near
as much frequency as today. When women were obeying God’s gender roles, divorce
was not 50 percent and the home was not violated. If you claim to be a Christian
and believe that the Bible is infallible and literal, then one cannot deny the
commandment of Titus
2:4-5. So Christians, either obey it all or none!

As for his
charge of racism and how a white man has no place to complain, well, Brian, you
must have never been denied a promotion because an unqualified minority applied
for the same job and the company needed some diversity. I have. Affirmative
action is just as racist and has no place in the workforce either. Let the most
qualified person get the job.

Chris Fluharty, Springfield

Gosh. I hardly know where to begin. In fact, I feel a little stupid in just having read it, let alone commenting on Chris’s staggering insights into the mind of the seriously deranged. Chris seems to feel that shackling women back into second-class citizenship will apparently cure what ails us from crime to underage preggos. I’m not entirely sure what he means when he says “homes were not violated,” unless Chris is aware of a rash of people sodomizing their electrical sockets or something. Why not get a return to the good old days when men were allowed to beat their wives and females had the wonderful choice of a fulfilling life of servitude and crushed dreams or be relegated to the classification of whoredom? How dare you dames want to do something more with your life than become glorified cum dumpsters and baby factories?! We let you cook and clean for godssake, what do you want, the moon?!

Far as the Bible goes, sure, if you’re one of these lunatic literalists that believes God Himself was penning the pages through some dude, and that said dude didn’t misinterpret or kind of adlib a little bit, and that the hundreds of translations over thousands of years have been perfect and totally accurate, then yeah, I guess you have to keep the misses at home. Then again, if you believe all that you might be too busy checking your underwear for the little gnomes that come in the night to invade your wiener-hole and cause wicked, sexual thoughts.

Just a few thoughts on Chris’s affirmative action attack: I think the most qualified person should get the job, too. Trouble is, that wasn’t happening if you had brown skin or funny, slanty eyes before we started affirmative action up. It’s an attempt to level the playing field for people who didn’t have the thousand-year head start that we did and have only been deigned with full citizenship for about fifty years.

I can sympathize with Chris, though. I myself am a white male and I can tell you, the discrimination is just shameful. It’s getting to be I can’t even rape a colored lady and get away with it anymore.

Get bent, douchebag.