How Do You Say "Kind of a Bitch" in Japanese?

2/27/07

Given the fact that I waved "bye-bye" to the idea of being cool long ago, I frequent several comic book blogs daily. In this morning's jaunt to Chris's Invincible Super-Blog I ran across an announcement that made my blood run cold and caused a mild headache, as if my brain was trying to blow out my eyeballs to keep them from reading on.

First of all, for those of you who don't know, manga is the Japanese word for print cartoons; namely, comics. Even if you don't read comics you've seen the genre; it's mainly those goggle-eyed, big-headed children 'toons that run around saying things I can only hope were an unfortunate result of translation issues. For whatever reason manga seems to have an obsession with one of two body types for women; you either get the no-assed broad with a thin waist and bosoms that appear to be misplaced dirigibles, or we are treated to the stick-thin, freakishly articulated woman-child who kind of looks like an adolescent boy. Frankly, it's difficult (but not impossible) to masturbate to either. I seem to have gotten off the point here.

Clearly what the genre was missing was a manga comic devoted to the oddity that is Avril Lavigne. But fear not! Del Rey Manga, a division of Random House Inc has saved us all from wondering just how awful a printed incarnation of that temperamental little brat would be. A comic called Make 5 Wishes starring Avril is slated for release in April to coincide with her new album, the almost certainly oxymoronic The Best Damn Thing. And what will said comic be like, you are not wondering? Brace yourself for the craziness; the first issue will include a young, female Avril fan who logs onto make5wishes.com, actually gets said five wishes which go horribly awry, and then for…some reason, Avril Lavigne shows up to help her sort out the malaise that is adolescent life…after disappointing wishes, I guess. As you can see, the artists have clearly decided to go with the "waifish flatness" look for Lavigne: (click to enlarge)



That's right, America, I can scarcely think of another public personality better suited to an inspirational comic than that of a bitchy Canadian broad who openly resents her own success. Spitting on multiple photographers be damned, the fact that she can't seem to stomach the industry in which she's chosen, has angrily claimed she's "not punk" yet compared herself to Sid Vicious and then, in the same interview, asked who the Sex Pistols were, are more than enough reasons to dislike the little Canuck tart. Now we just have one more.

I anxiously await the premier of an uplifting anime show starring a wild-eyed, chrome-domed Britney Spears. I'm guessing the artists would go with the big booby style of illustration for her, though. Maybe with a "very special episode" where Britney explains to a young fan about the advantages of showing your vagina in public.