Robbed Blind

11/3/06

If you don’t read either comics or comic book blogs—and let’s face it, those of you pretending to be adults unlike me probably do neither—than you’ve doubtless never heard the name Rob Liefeld. Those dear readers out there who are aware of him are laughing even as we speak, despite the fact I haven’t written a single joke yet. We’ll get to why Rob Liefeld is the most comic-blogged name in a moment; first, a little back-story!

During the 90’s comics underwent a huge upswing in popularity. Well, more accurately I should say they experienced a huge upswing in sales. That’s an important distinction because it became very fashionable to purchase multiple copies of the same issue in the vain hope that it will be worth a small mansion someday…hopefully next week. Yes, the internet wasn’t the only sector to have a 90’s bubble, as publishing companies pumped out new titles with six different covers for the same book at a pace that would make Gutenberg blush. (Johannes, not Steve.) The Internet Bubble burst when people started realizing that business couldn’t support hundreds of different dotcom startups per month, especially when most of them didn’t seem to actually do anything more than open with a ridiculously inflated stock price. Similarly, people eventually realized that the reason Action Comics #1 is worth $190,000 (I’m not kidding) is that it’s the first appearance of a popular, beloved character and there are very few of them left in existence. Armies of adolescents wept upon waking up in 1997 and realizing the 12 copies of the new Wonderman #1 was worth…well about 95¢ less than they paid for it in 1992 because Marvel printed 8 million of them. Oh, and the character/story/art sucked out loud. But that’s just potatoes; here comes the gravy:

With so many titles being produced a lot of things there were really rather shitty were making it to the shelves. Rob Liefeld’s work doesn’t just fall into this category; it plummets there. Liefeld’s work is a little bit like spotting a hot chick from across the bar; if you’re drunk and it’s dark and she’s 30 feet away, you might be able to overlook the fact that she has vomit down her dress, one lazy eye, and a penis. Liefeld’s work looks like comic book art at a glance, but I can assure you it’s nothing of the sort. Well, here, just look:

Just what in the bloody blue-fuck is that?! I can’t even begin to guess what thoughts went swirling through the mind of the colorist who was handed this monstrosity to enhance. Probably something like “dude…this fucking suuuuuuuuuucks!” It’s not just the fact that Liefeld has the anatomical knowledge of a Brazil nut, either. He also seems to believe human heads can be represented as anywhere from tangerine to basketball-sized.

Liefeld also pulls a trick I used to employ, and near as I can tell he does it for the same reason. I used to draw the worst legs and feet on the planet, and so when I got down to the bottom of a drawing I’d conveniently sketch in a rock or a plant or an inexplicable explosion to ensure I didn’t have to explain why my character appeared to have garden spades attached to their ankles.

Another trick just about any artist uses is copying the work of better artists. Only most of them get this out of their system while still learning how to draw, say, around junior high. Liefeld never saw the need to actually create his own drawings. Liefeld had a mercifully short run on Wolverine, and there’s an issue starring Ghost Rider that I hope I can find to show you what I’m talking about, because Liefeld copied a cover drawing of Wolverine from X-men #1 by Jim Lee for one of the panels inside the book. Until I find it, though, here are some examples from Clamnuts, a less lazy blogger with pictures.

In 1992 Liefeld and several other artists (two of my favorites, Marc Silvestri & Jim Lee included) split off from Marvel and founded Image Comics, which might have the worst website ever. Personally I didn’t much care for most of their books, as the bulk of their characters seemed to be rehashed Marvel rip-offs. And whenever you think poor rip offs, think Liefeld.

Remind you of anyone? Leaving aside the fact that Agent America seems to have hundreds of muscles which don't exist in the human body, of course.

All that being said, clearly Liefeld has talent. It’s just a kind of wild, unfocused and inconsistent talent which is below par with what should be allowed in print. The thing that’s great about Liefeld, though, is that he gives me hope. If he can get published, surely I can get some illustration work once I start producing drawings I feel are “good enough.” Being unpaid for my work and criticizing Liefeld is sort of the illustrator’s equivalent of yelling at the TV because the quarterback is “so f-ing stupid!” while you shovel bleu cheese-drenched hot wings into your maw and sweat whenever you get up to pee. But looking at bad comic book art is like reading bad fiction for me; it makes me think “well I can do better than that.”