Found Online

5/15/07

Hanni and I have been working rather feverishly for the past few days on getting invitations to the wedding printed, stamped, mailed and all that jazz, so I haven’t had a great deal of time to post and for that I’m sure you’re weeping, dear readers. In classic slacker fashion, today instead of an original stunningly witty blog about…oh, I dunno, poo, probably, I offer you something I randomly came across while running a Google search for “satyr.” It’s probably best not to ask why. It’s from this website, and I think it’s the cat’s pajamas; a shout-out from way back in 2000. Enjoy.

Random Interviews With Strangers #1
By JaxomLOTUS @ 10/19/2000 4:50:00 PM EST
From http://www.worth1000.com/satyr.asp?sid=9418

As part of our ongoing Random Interviews with strangers series, The Satyr caught up with EsterAr12 in "Jewish Youth Chat" on the web.

SATYR: Hello. My name is Jason Axom. I am currently writing an article for an upcoming April issue of Satyr Magazine. Currently my associates and I are interviewing people of different ethnicities and ages who use the internet. I see you are in Jewish Youth Chat Room. I take it to mean you are a Jewish Youth. Would you like to participate in the interview?

EsterAr12: yes

SATYR: Have you ever heard of Satyr Magazine before or read this magazine?

EsterAr12: i have heard of it but i never read it.

SATYR: Do you currently own a subscription to Satyr Magazine?

EsterAr12: if i never read it, then obviously not.

SATYR: What about to Juggs, Screw, or Barely Legal?

EsterAr12: never heard of them

SATYR: I feel sorry for you. Would you like to participate in the interview anyway, sir?

EsterAr12: sure I'll particapate but im a girl

SATYR: Ok. Let me ask you a few demographic questions first.

EsterAr12: ok

SATYR: Are you between the ages of 91-109?

EsterAr12: no. i am 13. How could i be that old and be in youth chat

SATYR: Of what ethnic group do you belong?

EsterAr12: IM jewish. I am in JEWISH youth chat. those are dumb questions

SATYR: Do you have any African/American or Spanish/American lineage in you?

EsterAr12: no

SATYR: Good.

EsterAr12: What do you mean good?

SATYR: Would you like some African/American or Spanish/American lineage in you?

EsterAr12: What is that supposed to mean

SATYR: In what tax bracket would you put your family's total food consumption per year when compared to that of a fictional minority?

EsterAr12: I dont know what the hell you are talking about

SATYR: High, medium, or low?

EsterAr12: I said what do you mean when you said "good"?

SATYR: What percent of your free time would you say is spent online?

EsterAr12: 50%

SATYR: In other words, you are online alot?

EsterAr12: yes

SATYR: Do you type with your left hand or your right hand?

EsterAr12: right hand

SATYR: Do you find it hard typing with one hand?

EsterAr12: I type with both hands. i didnt know what you meant.

SATYR: Please try to be as descriptive as possible when answering the questions. ok? What do you mean you type with two hands?

EsterAr12: IT'S EASIER THAN TYPING WITH ONE HAND

SATYR: In other words you find the conversation more stimulating when both hands are moving?

EsterAr12: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN AND THATS GROSS

SATYR: I am not sure I understand. What did I mean?

EsterAr12: WHATEVER .IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE GROSS TO ME IM GONE

SATYR: Well, then you wont be featured in October's issue, young man.

EsterAr12: I am a girl ! go on.....

SATYR: OK. Have you ever visited the Bronx Zoo in New York before?

EsterAr12: No. I have never been to NY

SATYR: Have you ever visited the Empire State building in New York City?

EsterAr12: No I just told you I have never been to NY

SATYR: Have you ever visited the Statue of Liberty?

EsterAr12: I just told you I have never been to NY. stop asking me dumb questions Whats your problem?

SATYR: If you do not mind, I am asking the questions. Not you. The Statue of Liberty isn't located in New York City.

EsterAr12: then where is it

SATYR: The Atlantic ocean. Now may we continue?

EsterAr12: yes

SATYR: How old are you?

EsterAr12: 13

SATYR: Have you ever been married or been in a very serious relationship?

EsterAr12: no Im only 13

SATYR: Please explain.

EsterAr12: im to young to have been married & growing up in an orthodox jewish home I dont really date seriously

SATYR: Good answer. I suppose you mean that had you grown up in a less religious or non-Jewish home you would probably have been married by now?

EsterAr12: NO I possibly would be dating. Are you retarded?

SATYR: Have you ever considered using an online dating service?

EsterAr12: IM ONLY 13

SATYR: Have you ever been to a marriage counselor before?

EsterAr12: no IM 13 & never been married

SATYR: You already stated that fact several times, young man

EsterAr12: IM A YOUNG WOMAN & YOU KEEP ASKING THAT TYPE OF QUESTION

SATYR: My apologies. Should i switch to another question format?

EsterAr12: YES

SATYR: Im switching to a format normally used for another type of chatroom. OK?

EsterAr12: ok

SATYR: Have you ever found yourself desiring cats?

EsterAr12: you mean to own?

SATYR: Yes. That too.

EsterAr12: what do you mean "that too?"

SATYR: Have you ever been invited to participate in any multiple partnerinvestment swapping?

EsterAr12: I have to GO BYE

SATYR: Do you sleep with your socks on?

EsterAr12: you are gross

SATYR: I guess at an impressionable age of 13, a fine young man like yourself has now begun to develop and worship idols?

EsterAr12: NO. im a girl. Goodbye

SATYR: Goodbye. Look for this interview in the up and coming April issue of Satyr Magazine. I, Jason Axom, and my colleagues thank you for your time.