Cathars, Catholics and Cruise

4/3/07

As Hanni recently pointed out to me, a couple of centuries before the Reformation in Europe, there were a lot of really rather fucked up religions. And that’s saying something, because remember this is “fucked up” compared to a huge, political and hierarchal institution who believe some guy was not only born to a virgin, but was God and also the Son of God, who loves you but is going to torment you in perpetuity if you happen not to believe he exists. And there’s something about a Ghost, but I digress.

I’ve been listening to an audiobook course called “God Wills It!”: Understanding the Crusades by Professor Thomas Madden for the past few days and, as you might guess, it’s about the Crusades which primarily took place between the 11th and 14th centuries. You might remember a recent reference to them when our delightfully ignorant President called our recent actions in the Middle East a “crusade,” and a bunch of people we don’t understand very well over there were a touch miffed at the reference to a bloody Middle Ages Christian campaign to conquer Muslim cities. I won’t bore you with what I’ve learned about them; I’ve probably stretched your interest in this blog as it is. In the course of reading, however, I did come across a religious movement I’d never heard about before, which gives Scientology a run for its money in balls-out lunacy. It was called Catharism.

Catharism began in the 11th century in modern day France and really hit its stride in the 12th century, though it’s a bit hard to understand why. Their basic belief was in two opposing gods, one good and one evil. So far so good. The good god was the god of Spirit (God), and the evil god was one of Matter (Satan). Since the earth is made of matter, it was created by the evil god, and, by extension, human bodies were evil as well. The spirit that inhabited the body was good, however. Alright, still not so weird.

Here’s where it gets sticky. Since the body was a creation of evil and matter, Cathars believed it was your duty to consume as little as possible, and in fact the highest form of religious divinity was to starve to death. Good news, anorexics! Those who renounced possessions, remained celibate and ate as little as possible could become Elders or “Perfects”. This wasn’t expected of all followers, and, understandably, was usually completed rather late in life. Like right before death.

Perhaps more strangely but at least consistent, making babies was frowned on by the Cathars, and was actually evil because you are not only making more matter, but are trapping another human spirit inside a heinous, evil physical body. This sort of strikes me as a counter-interest, since beating whatever insane religion you happen believe into the malleable brains of your children is a tried and true method of creating more followers.

The Cathars were technically Christians, though Holy Mother Catholic Church refused to recognize them as such, and there wasn’t much love for the “evil” incarnation of Catholicism amongst the Cathars, who believed Jesus wasn’t God or man, but a kind of divine phantom unconstrained by the limitations of matter. Like an ephemeral Superman, if you will.

Eventually the Catholic Church pretty much destroyed the Cathars, through calls for internal, European crusade and Inquisition. Most of the credit lies with Pope Innocent III, who enjoys the fame of calling for the most convoluted, fucked-up of all the Crusades, number 4, which instead of actually conquering any of the Muslim-held Holy Lands, ended up sacking Constantinople, the greatest Christian city in Europe. Well done, you pointy-hatted loony. The Cathars were odd, but at least they didn’t believe some ancient Galactic War Lord seeded the earth with spirits by trapping them in volcanoes and dropping nuclear weapons on top of them. Fuck you, Tom Cruise.



Bonus:

Things Recently Annoying Me

· People who purposefully mispronounce the word “computer” as “compooter.” I suppose these theoretical adults find referring to the greatest revolution of the 20th century in baby-talk like a stroke victim makes them endearing and childlike, but really it just makes the rest of us want to make the rest of your words match by giving you a concussion with something heavy.
· People who tell you that your car’s gas tank is open. The little door to mine doesn’t close, one of many, many problems* with my car, and not a week goes by without at least five people waving like lunatics to get my attention and let me know…that my gas tank is open. From their reaction you’d expect there to be a knife-wielding male-rapist in my backseat. I mean, I guess they’re just trying to be nice and altruistic, but unless the actual gas cap is missing and fuel is spilling all over the highway, who precisely gives a fuck if the lid is open? It’s like stopping someone wearing a jacket to tell them that it’s not zipped up all the way.




*The driver’s side front and passenger’s side rear window no longer roll down, the lights stay on if you don’t switch them off before turning off the car, the antenna looks like a crazy-straw, the back windshield is hand-cut plastic, the body sort of looks like someone had drunken fun with a sledgehammer, the odometer crapped-out at 260,000 miles well before I even bought the car, if driving for more than twenty minutes I have to run the heater to cool off the engine, the air-conditioner’s merely cosmetic, the left turn blinker only works if you physically toggle it on and off, and the windshield washer fluid comes out in a bizarre, sputtering trickle in the exact middle of my windshield, clearing a space about 4” square right down there near the bottom-center.
But it always starts, and it gets me from A to B!