4/18/07
There’s been quite a fervor over all things firearms in the past two days, in the wake of the horrors at Virginia Tech. But not to worry, America, the current gun laws and ease with which one can acquire a boom-stick won’t be wavering soon. Following the similar grisly murders at Columbine a then Republican-led Congress actually set about loosening the requirements for getting your sweaty little hands on a gun. This time around, scant days after the worst school slaying in history, both Republicans and Democrats are backing away from the issue with their hands raised.
America has long had a hard on for heavy artillery, possibly borne out of the fact our nation was founded upon bloodshed and revolution. Whatever the reason, we have historically been reluctant and downright suspicious anytime there is attempted legislation regarding owning a tiny piece of machinery capable of ending a life with the movement of your index finger. I sat in shock as people actually argued they should be allowed to purchase and own military-grade automatic assault rifles as part of their home arsenal. You know, for squirrel hunting…in South Central L.A., I guess.
I’m not going to go off on a rant about gun control and the fact that Congress doesn’t like touching the issue because so many of their constituents adore firearms with a passion that should really be reserved for pornography; I just have one thing to say on the issue:
It should at least be as hard to get a gun as it is to procure a passport. And I can guaran-fucking-tee you that it isn’t, because I am in the process of getting said document for travel to Mexico for our honeymoon. In the amount of time I have spent attempting to get and waiting for appointments, gathering every document in this Universe or others proving I do, in fact, exist and am an American citizen, and shelling out exorbitant fees for a little paper book, I could have a weapons’ closet that would make those guys in the woods of Montana blush.
I haven’t had as many issues with getting a passport as some other stories I’ve heard, but it’s been no picnic. For starters the fee is a whopping $97 and for that price you don’t even get the loving caress of a reach-around. The offices are conveniently only open during the hours I work; from 8 am until 4:30 pm Monday through Friday, with a nice, leisurely break in the middle for lunch. There is an office in Nixa open on Saturdays, but the wait to get an appointment is in the neighborhood of 1-2 months. Since the inception of the law in January requiring all air passengers leaving the US to have a passport, the offices have become clogged with requests, backing up the regular time to get one to a staggering 10 weeks. Oh, but if you care to fork over an extra $60 you can have a “rush” passport issued to you at the Mercurial speed of 6 weeks…which it appears I’ll have to accept as I back into the office with my pants down and my wallet open, since the last time I went there the kindly female behind the counter informed me that I have the “short form” of my birth certificate, and would need to send off for a copy of the “long form.”
I have since requested said copy from the state of Texas where I was born. Being a caring government agency, they too have a rush service, the time span of which only proves that the word “rush” has been purged of all meaning. It cost $20, not counting the $10 I paid for super-speedy-fast-processing…about 3 weeks. I ordered the copy on April 3rd and here I sit in document limbo expecting my birth certificate sometime between now and Ragnorök. Incidentally, that initial $20 sans snail-shipping cost is the same price I would pay for what passes as a background check to buy a gun, except that I could walk out of the store with a rifle or shotgun that very afternoon, and would have to wait only anywhere from 24 hours to 7 days to get any number of sparkling pistols.
After all is said an done this passport venture will end up costing me about $187 just for the privilege of being allowed to come back home to a country where, in the matter of an hour and after the security of a short phone call, some dude in a blood-stained t-shirt with the arms cut off so we all get a nice eyeful of his bramble of pit-hair can walk out of an all-night guns & ammo store with enough firepower to have that psychotic last stand-off with the FBI he’s always wanted.
Man, I just want to go to Cozumel. Maybe Hanni and I can go buy some C4 and blow large holes in the deserts of Nevada instead.
There’s been quite a fervor over all things firearms in the past two days, in the wake of the horrors at Virginia Tech. But not to worry, America, the current gun laws and ease with which one can acquire a boom-stick won’t be wavering soon. Following the similar grisly murders at Columbine a then Republican-led Congress actually set about loosening the requirements for getting your sweaty little hands on a gun. This time around, scant days after the worst school slaying in history, both Republicans and Democrats are backing away from the issue with their hands raised.America has long had a hard on for heavy artillery, possibly borne out of the fact our nation was founded upon bloodshed and revolution. Whatever the reason, we have historically been reluctant and downright suspicious anytime there is attempted legislation regarding owning a tiny piece of machinery capable of ending a life with the movement of your index finger. I sat in shock as people actually argued they should be allowed to purchase and own military-grade automatic assault rifles as part of their home arsenal. You know, for squirrel hunting…in South Central L.A., I guess.
I’m not going to go off on a rant about gun control and the fact that Congress doesn’t like touching the issue because so many of their constituents adore firearms with a passion that should really be reserved for pornography; I just have one thing to say on the issue:
It should at least be as hard to get a gun as it is to procure a passport. And I can guaran-fucking-tee you that it isn’t, because I am in the process of getting said document for travel to Mexico for our honeymoon. In the amount of time I have spent attempting to get and waiting for appointments, gathering every document in this Universe or others proving I do, in fact, exist and am an American citizen, and shelling out exorbitant fees for a little paper book, I could have a weapons’ closet that would make those guys in the woods of Montana blush.I haven’t had as many issues with getting a passport as some other stories I’ve heard, but it’s been no picnic. For starters the fee is a whopping $97 and for that price you don’t even get the loving caress of a reach-around. The offices are conveniently only open during the hours I work; from 8 am until 4:30 pm Monday through Friday, with a nice, leisurely break in the middle for lunch. There is an office in Nixa open on Saturdays, but the wait to get an appointment is in the neighborhood of 1-2 months. Since the inception of the law in January requiring all air passengers leaving the US to have a passport, the offices have become clogged with requests, backing up the regular time to get one to a staggering 10 weeks. Oh, but if you care to fork over an extra $60 you can have a “rush” passport issued to you at the Mercurial speed of 6 weeks…which it appears I’ll have to accept as I back into the office with my pants down and my wallet open, since the last time I went there the kindly female behind the counter informed me that I have the “short form” of my birth certificate, and would need to send off for a copy of the “long form.”I have since requested said copy from the state of Texas where I was born. Being a caring government agency, they too have a rush service, the time span of which only proves that the word “rush” has been purged of all meaning. It cost $20, not counting the $10 I paid for super-speedy-fast-processing…about 3 weeks. I ordered the copy on April 3rd and here I sit in document limbo expecting my birth certificate sometime between now and Ragnorök. Incidentally, that initial $20 sans snail-shipping cost is the same price I would pay for what passes as a background check to buy a gun, except that I could walk out of the store with a rifle or shotgun that very afternoon, and would have to wait only anywhere from 24 hours to 7 days to get any number of sparkling pistols.
After all is said an done this passport venture will end up costing me about $187 just for the privilege of being allowed to come back home to a country where, in the matter of an hour and after the security of a short phone call, some dude in a blood-stained t-shirt with the arms cut off so we all get a nice eyeful of his bramble of pit-hair can walk out of an all-night guns & ammo store with enough firepower to have that psychotic last stand-off with the FBI he’s always wanted.Man, I just want to go to Cozumel. Maybe Hanni and I can go buy some C4 and blow large holes in the deserts of Nevada instead.
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