4/16/07
Today I received one of these ridiculous emails with a laundry list of insane right-wing complaints about America, claiming to be attributed to Andy Rooney’s old, odd ramblings from 60 Minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t much care for Mr. Rooney’s particular brand of crazy “observations,” but even I don’t believe the old coot would say some of these downright hateful things.
Turns out he didn’t. This is another example of some douche-bag writing crazy malarkey and attributing it to a celebrity in order to attach some kind of validity to his demonic manifesto. According to Snopes.com and UrbanLegends.about.com some version of the following has been circulating since 2003, with Mr. Rooney stating on 60 Minutes not once, but twice that he had nothing to do with this mean-spirited bile. But, just for kicks, I’ve taken the time to respond to a few of the choicer elements.
1. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the UnitedCaucasianCollege Fund and see what happens...
I hate, hate it when white people say “well, they don’t have a white history month! Or some other such malarkey. You know why they don’t? Because every month is White History Month. Every channel is White Entertainment. And you’re pissed off because they have specific scholarship funds, when just a few generations ago they were picking cotton in someone’s field and weren’t allowed to leave? I don’t think a little special help for human beings who were considered property 150 years ago is out of line. It’s an attempt to try and level the playing field, you self-righteous, white pricks.
2. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
Yeah, you can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but that isn’t their sole purpose for existing. The only reason a gun exists is to destroy something, pure and simple. Be it flesh, clay or a paper target, guns have only one purpose, you NRA jackass.
4. I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
Could be. It could be either. Then again, the idea of beating your wife is a form of love is an opinion, too, but having it still makes you an asshole. Opinions can be anything, and very often are just idiotic.
5. I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
We’re trying to have a society here, man. But feel free to have a full-fledged freak-out in the produce aisle just because someone is sporting a haircut that you find “weird.” Cock.
6. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
That’s true. Where, precisely, are you speaking of, because your statistic only works if it exists. The great thing about pretend figures unrelated to reality is that you can just make them up!
7. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
Good lord, man, half our so-called “native” population can’t even speak, let alone read English with better than the ability of a retarded cactus. And you show me one vendor that doesn’t speak any English and I’ll buy you a Coke.
8. My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
Actually, they did, but that’s only if you believe they died for the ideal of freedom.
11. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
What the fuck is up with this one? It starts off with fighting a war, switches to immigration, and ends with constitutional interpretation? I think Andy stroked off in the middle here. First of all, what the hell do you mean; whose freedoms are we defending? WWII? And where is this wave of immigrants questioning the verbiage of the Constitution? On top of that, if you believe something written over 2 centuries ago shouldn’t be reinterpreted every once in awhile, you probably watch a lot of reality TV. I believe the Founding Fathers knew they weren’t infallible. That why they’re called Amendments.
13. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I think whoever included this one just really likes wrestling, and is desperately trying to defend its creative legitimacy to exist.
17. I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe I am proud to be from America and nowhere else
Super. I’ll let 1983 know you found their argument. Topical!
18. I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!
Democracies protect the minority of us who don’t prefer to live in a fascist state, just because the majority thinks they’re better, or more correct than everyone else. Shut up and be quiet? Very Christian; Jesus would be proud. I don’t remember Him saying word-one about homos, but I do believe “tolerance” was pretty heavy in His message.
If you’re still reading this, frankly I’m amazed. Sorry if it was a bit heavy-handed with the outrage, dear readers. Tomorrow, fun things to do with leftover Easter eggs. Hint: You’ll need a bottle of lube and an open mind.
Today I received one of these ridiculous emails with a laundry list of insane right-wing complaints about America, claiming to be attributed to Andy Rooney’s old, odd ramblings from 60 Minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t much care for Mr. Rooney’s particular brand of crazy “observations,” but even I don’t believe the old coot would say some of these downright hateful things.Turns out he didn’t. This is another example of some douche-bag writing crazy malarkey and attributing it to a celebrity in order to attach some kind of validity to his demonic manifesto. According to Snopes.com and UrbanLegends.about.com some version of the following has been circulating since 2003, with Mr. Rooney stating on 60 Minutes not once, but twice that he had nothing to do with this mean-spirited bile. But, just for kicks, I’ve taken the time to respond to a few of the choicer elements.
1. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the UnitedCaucasianCollege Fund and see what happens...
I hate, hate it when white people say “well, they don’t have a white history month! Or some other such malarkey. You know why they don’t? Because every month is White History Month. Every channel is White Entertainment. And you’re pissed off because they have specific scholarship funds, when just a few generations ago they were picking cotton in someone’s field and weren’t allowed to leave? I don’t think a little special help for human beings who were considered property 150 years ago is out of line. It’s an attempt to try and level the playing field, you self-righteous, white pricks.
2. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.Yeah, you can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but that isn’t their sole purpose for existing. The only reason a gun exists is to destroy something, pure and simple. Be it flesh, clay or a paper target, guns have only one purpose, you NRA jackass.
4. I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
Could be. It could be either. Then again, the idea of beating your wife is a form of love is an opinion, too, but having it still makes you an asshole. Opinions can be anything, and very often are just idiotic.
5. I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
We’re trying to have a society here, man. But feel free to have a full-fledged freak-out in the produce aisle just because someone is sporting a haircut that you find “weird.” Cock.
6. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
That’s true. Where, precisely, are you speaking of, because your statistic only works if it exists. The great thing about pretend figures unrelated to reality is that you can just make them up!
7. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
Good lord, man, half our so-called “native” population can’t even speak, let alone read English with better than the ability of a retarded cactus. And you show me one vendor that doesn’t speak any English and I’ll buy you a Coke.
8. My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
Actually, they did, but that’s only if you believe they died for the ideal of freedom.
11. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.What the fuck is up with this one? It starts off with fighting a war, switches to immigration, and ends with constitutional interpretation? I think Andy stroked off in the middle here. First of all, what the hell do you mean; whose freedoms are we defending? WWII? And where is this wave of immigrants questioning the verbiage of the Constitution? On top of that, if you believe something written over 2 centuries ago shouldn’t be reinterpreted every once in awhile, you probably watch a lot of reality TV. I believe the Founding Fathers knew they weren’t infallible. That why they’re called Amendments.
13. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I think whoever included this one just really likes wrestling, and is desperately trying to defend its creative legitimacy to exist.
17. I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe I am proud to be from America and nowhere elseSuper. I’ll let 1983 know you found their argument. Topical!
18. I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!
Democracies protect the minority of us who don’t prefer to live in a fascist state, just because the majority thinks they’re better, or more correct than everyone else. Shut up and be quiet? Very Christian; Jesus would be proud. I don’t remember Him saying word-one about homos, but I do believe “tolerance” was pretty heavy in His message.
If you’re still reading this, frankly I’m amazed. Sorry if it was a bit heavy-handed with the outrage, dear readers. Tomorrow, fun things to do with leftover Easter eggs. Hint: You’ll need a bottle of lube and an open mind.
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