Warehouse of Mystery

8/15/06

The building next door to my office is somewhat of a mystery. It appears to be a warehouse, though I haven't the slightest idea what they store or ship or...whatever there. It's of mild curiosity to me for several reasons, but said reasons fall just short of enough motivation for me to get together with a bunch of kids led by an Arian in a neckerchief and take our van out to investigate.

First of all, whoever designed the layout of the place was one sadistic S.O.B. Perhaps he/she (I'm assuming one or the other, not a transsexual) failed to take into account the fact that other buildings would be fashioned alongside in the future, or perhaps he/she had a serious drug habit impairing their judgment, or maybe they were just some lunatic asshole who cackles themselves to sleep thinking about all the asinine architectural designs they've passed off. It's specifically the loading bay I'm thinking of here.

In the most ass way possible, the loading bay is located in the back of the warehouse, scooched back in a recessed corner right next to their parking lot. In order for an 18-wheeler to get back there they have to either back-in around 3 corners of the building, or perform this crazy 37-point turn around maneuver, backing up 3 feet at a time to get into position for unloading their wares. I have, on several occasions, been out on break and witnessed a driver attempting this hedge-maze of a task while teetering on the brink of madness. One fellow, after a solid 10 minutes of inching back and forth and realizing he'd have to start the procedure all over, got out of his truck and actually jumped up and down, waving his arms like a thwarted cartoon villain. I half-expected him to actually tear off his hat and stomp on it. The hilarity of the situation was mitigated only by my empathy for the dude who at that moment must have been seriously questioning his career decisions.

The other curious thing about this warehouse of oddity is that it employs a seemingly disproportionate number of really hot chicks. I see them come out the back door for their own smoke breaks and whenever they leave to go home and I have counted no less than 10 really rather smoking women coming and going. Point of fact, I haven't seen even one female employee who isn't attractive. Amplifying this is the fact that I've only witnessed 3 or 4 male employees. I don't know if you've ever worked in a warehouse, but the number of attractive females populating such places is pretty thin on the ground. Maybe it's a lipstick lesbian storage facility, I dunno.

I haven't the slightest idea why this building of mystery should so fiercely fascinate yours truly, other than the fact that it's directly in my line of sight when I'm outside on break and it's something to ponder while I'm studiously avoiding eye contact with my fellow employees on the off-chance that they'll take it as an invitation to speak to me. I suppose I should just wander around to the front of the building and see if they have a sign cluing me in to the business they conduct. It'll probably just be a big, white rectangle with a blazing red question mark inside.