8/29/07
You know, I almost feel sorry for Republican Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. I’d be a lot more sympathetic if he wasn’t so hilarious. Recently a round of homoerotic innuendo stemming from his arrest in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport for “lewd behavior” toward an undercover cop has put the brakes on his reelection bid for ‘08. Apparently that particular men’s room is well known to be a good place for a little pinch-and-tickle. Craig pled guilty to the lesser charge of “disorderly conduct.”
“Under stress” from newspaper investigations into his sex life was the odd excuse Craig gave for pleading guilty to the charge, in what was probably the most defensive, oddest press conferences ever yesterday. (See it here) He also said that he “overreacted” in copping a plea, whatever the shit that means. Craig claimed that he “did nothing wrong,” and actually spoke the words “let me be clear, I am not gay, I have never been gay.” It was about that point where I lost my shit and nearly crapped with laughter. If the phrase “methinks the man doth protest too much” has ever given you trouble, watch this spectacle and I think you’ll understand.
With every assertion Craig got consecutively more rainbow-colored. By the end of the speech he might as well have been wearing watermelon lip gloss, leather chaps and a baby t-shirt tied just under the nipples, bellowing to the crowd that he loved him some pussy! I am continually dumbfounded by people who feel the need to constantly attest to their stalwart straight-ness. Craig might as well be saying it around a stiff cock, because people who are really straight don’t often get accused of oral sex in the men’s room of Washington’s Union Station (2004), cruising for men at an REI store in Boise (1994), rumored to have had relationship with House pages (1982), and whispers of…something in his college days. Read all about it here. Craig’s response to the 1994 allegation was priceless as well:
Normally I would consider Craig’s sexual proclivities his own damn business and nobody else’s. He has a right to privacy and I think forcibly “outing” someone is one step above pushing toddlers into traffic. I couldn’t care less that he likes wiener and frankly I am saddened by the fact that he is so consumed with self-hatred and guilt that he has to troll for dick in men’s rooms. I can even sort of forgive the fact that he’s diddling around behind his wife’s back. What I cannot abide is a hypocrite. Not only is Craig a Republican (and we all know how friendly they are to the gay community) but whenever Clinton got busted for Monica, Craig was all-too willing to wag his finger of shame. Craig felt Clinton would be getting a “slap on the wrist” if all he received for the affair was censure, and went on to say,
Although let’s give credit where credit is due; let it not be said that Senator Craig resorts to gutter language. His vernacular is so clean it squeaks. I don’t think I’ve ever heard an actual human say the word “jiminy” in conversation.
This comes at a particularly bad time for the party of the elephant, as many of them are coming up for reelection and the Republicans are terrified Democrats will get an even stronger majority in Congress. Craig is, let’s be honest, probably unelectable to retain his seat. But, given that a Democrat hasn’t been elected to the office since the early seventies, just about any Republican can probably win in Idaho. Well, any Republican who doesn’t play for the pink team, that is. Because nobody cares if you’re taking lobby kickbacks or chalking the administration with unqualified cronies, but kissing boys? Well that’s just fucking gross.
Sources:
Ain’t gay and won’t quit, says Senator Craig – Daily News Washington Bureau
Larry Craig: Still Not Gay – Washington Post
You know, I almost feel sorry for Republican Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. I’d be a lot more sympathetic if he wasn’t so hilarious. Recently a round of homoerotic innuendo stemming from his arrest in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport for “lewd behavior” toward an undercover cop has put the brakes on his reelection bid for ‘08. Apparently that particular men’s room is well known to be a good place for a little pinch-and-tickle. Craig pled guilty to the lesser charge of “disorderly conduct.”“Under stress” from newspaper investigations into his sex life was the odd excuse Craig gave for pleading guilty to the charge, in what was probably the most defensive, oddest press conferences ever yesterday. (See it here) He also said that he “overreacted” in copping a plea, whatever the shit that means. Craig claimed that he “did nothing wrong,” and actually spoke the words “let me be clear, I am not gay, I have never been gay.” It was about that point where I lost my shit and nearly crapped with laughter. If the phrase “methinks the man doth protest too much” has ever given you trouble, watch this spectacle and I think you’ll understand.
With every assertion Craig got consecutively more rainbow-colored. By the end of the speech he might as well have been wearing watermelon lip gloss, leather chaps and a baby t-shirt tied just under the nipples, bellowing to the crowd that he loved him some pussy! I am continually dumbfounded by people who feel the need to constantly attest to their stalwart straight-ness. Craig might as well be saying it around a stiff cock, because people who are really straight don’t often get accused of oral sex in the men’s room of Washington’s Union Station (2004), cruising for men at an REI store in Boise (1994), rumored to have had relationship with House pages (1982), and whispers of…something in his college days. Read all about it here. Craig’s response to the 1994 allegation was priceless as well:“I’ve been in this business 27 years in the public eye here. I don’t go around
anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn’t do it in Boise, Idaho!
Jiminy!”
Normally I would consider Craig’s sexual proclivities his own damn business and nobody else’s. He has a right to privacy and I think forcibly “outing” someone is one step above pushing toddlers into traffic. I couldn’t care less that he likes wiener and frankly I am saddened by the fact that he is so consumed with self-hatred and guilt that he has to troll for dick in men’s rooms. I can even sort of forgive the fact that he’s diddling around behind his wife’s back. What I cannot abide is a hypocrite. Not only is Craig a Republican (and we all know how friendly they are to the gay community) but whenever Clinton got busted for Monica, Craig was all-too willing to wag his finger of shame. Craig felt Clinton would be getting a “slap on the wrist” if all he received for the affair was censure, and went on to say,
“The American people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy, a naughty boy.
I’m going to speak out for the citizens of my state, who in the majority think
that Bill Clinton is probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy.”
Although let’s give credit where credit is due; let it not be said that Senator Craig resorts to gutter language. His vernacular is so clean it squeaks. I don’t think I’ve ever heard an actual human say the word “jiminy” in conversation.
This comes at a particularly bad time for the party of the elephant, as many of them are coming up for reelection and the Republicans are terrified Democrats will get an even stronger majority in Congress. Craig is, let’s be honest, probably unelectable to retain his seat. But, given that a Democrat hasn’t been elected to the office since the early seventies, just about any Republican can probably win in Idaho. Well, any Republican who doesn’t play for the pink team, that is. Because nobody cares if you’re taking lobby kickbacks or chalking the administration with unqualified cronies, but kissing boys? Well that’s just fucking gross.Sources:
Ain’t gay and won’t quit, says Senator Craig – Daily News Washington Bureau
Larry Craig: Still Not Gay – Washington Post
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