Schadenfreude*

10/20/06

It hasn't been an easy 6 years for liberals, but '05 and '06 have vindicated those of us who, after watching the 2004 election results, shook our heads in stark bewilderment and considered applying for Canadian citizenship. And thank goodness, because if the level of liberal outrage fatigue I felt had continued unabated I can only assume a massive stroke was in my immediate future. But finally the GOP started to implode like a big, fat red giant star collapsing into a singularity under its own bloated gravity. The majority of American citizens awoke from what I can only assume was a drug-induced coma that nevertheless didn't prevent them from reaching a voting booth, blinked in the bright sunlight of reality, and discovered, hey, I don't think the Republicans had my best interests in mind.

With President Bush currently the political equivalent of a flaccid dry-hump and Republicans across the board champing at the bit to be the next big scandal, I'm feeling pretty good about the changing direction in America. Instead of the impotent rage I once felt anytime I heard a representative of the GOP speak to the public, what I now feel as we ramp up toward Congressional elections in November can best be described as elated hilarity. Two years ago the Republican reaction to recent scandals would have sent me sprinting to the bathroom cabinet intent on medicating myself into a stupor because the American public would have actually listened to what now just seems sort of pathetic and sad in a really, really funny way.


Mark Foley's Underage Cyber-Diddling


For those of you living in a cave on the moon for the past month, you can clue into what we're referring to here. How do you distance yourself from the fact that your party knew it contained a mild sexual predator with a penchant for underage boys? Well, for my money it doesn't get better than crazy conspiratorial speculation worthy of the X-files:

The following is a transcript from the October 8th episode of CNN's Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer, interviewing Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-NC) who made wild-eyed claims that the Democratic Party knew about Foley's actions and sat on the info until now so it could do the most political damage. My favorite line is in bold.

Blitzer: Well you don't have any evidence though, right?

Rep. McHenry:
Well look at the fact points...four weeks out from a national election...

Blitzer: Yes or no: do you have any evidence? Do you have any evidence
Congressman?

Rep. McHenry: Do you have any evidence that says they
weren't involved?

Blitzer: I'm just asking if you're just throwing out
an accusation or if you have any hard evidence.

Rep. McHenry: No, it's a
question Wolf. The question remains, were they involved? And if they were not
involved they need to say clearly, and it's a question, it's not an accusation.

Touché, Mr. McHenry! Because nothing says "my party is innocent" like asking someone to prove a negative. I can't, for example, prove that dinosaurs aren't still wandering around; ergo, pterodactyls might be behind the nasty, borderline pedophilic instant messages Foley sent to Congressional page boys.




North Korea & Iran: Bombs of Disruption


North Korea just conducted a successful test of a nuclear bomb and Iran is undauntingly refusing to back down from nuclear programs of its own, albeit supposedly for peaceful energy production, despite UN threats and sanctions. Of course, being threatened by the UN is sort of like when the library sends you a letter informing you that if you don't return your book this week, you'll be charged 13 cents. But don't be fooled, America! It's not only the hated Left who wishes to undermine our beloved Republicans! Just ask clinically insane GOP mouthpiece Bill O'Reilly:

Oct 9th edition of The O'Reilly Factor:

"Now, the reason North Korea is causing trouble is that it wants to influence
the November election. As we discussed last week, Iran's doing the same thing in
Iraq -- ramping up the violence so Americans will turn against the Bush
administration."

"That is not a partisan statement. It is a fact."

"Iran has ordered its killers to up the violence in Iraq for the next
month."

Okay. Well, wow. I don't know why we waste all our time with military intelligence when we could just ask O'Reilly what foreign nations are planning and from whence their motivations come. Sounds to me like they send him a typed itinerary in the mail. Or maybe he's secretly a superhero, I dunno. Anyway you slice it he's a big bag of crazy. How narcissistic and egotistical do you have to be to believe that other countries engage in openly hostile actions with no objective other than possibly influencing a mid-term election in America, where voter turnout is lucky to hit 20%?



Now all Democrats have to decide is precisely how and to what dramatic level they can take all this momentum and completely fuck it up before the election.




* Shadenfreude is a German word meaning "to take pleasure in the misfortune of others." God bless Deutschland for providing us with such a useful and deliciously malicious turn of phrase.


Sources: Media Matters
The Huffington Post
CNN.com