A Guy Walks Into a Brothel

A Guy Walks Into a Brothel…


1/10/08

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea, let’s go to press! Dots and dashes and lots of flashes from city to city and coast to coast!* Here’s the news…oh, by the way, this was supposed to be posted yesterday, so here’s your discount, day-old news!


How Much to Fold the Laundry?

(WARSAW) I can think of fewer things sadder than a married man who chooses to frequent a brothel. Well, there is one thing that’s sadder; finding out that your wife is working there in her spare time.

That’s precisely what happened to a Polish man, according to the tabloid Super Express. Apparently his dear lady wife had told her husband she’d been getting all the extra money working in a nearby store. I guess she just neglected to tell him it was a vagina store.

“I was dumbfounded,” the man told Super Express. “I thought I was dreaming.” The unhappy couple had been in the shackles of holy matrimony for 14 years.

There is some good news, though! They’re getting a divorce. Rarely can I think of two people that so desperately should not be married.

*This is actually a famous Walter Winchell quote, not yours truly.

Source: NPR.org – Marriage Unravels After Meeting at Brothel
Yahoo News – What are you doing here?


Just Wind It Up & It'll Go!

(NEW DELHI) The Indian carmaker Tata Motors unveiled the its new car The Nano, yesterday at a New Delhi car show. The Nano is officially the world’s cheapest car, with a price tag of only $2500 US. You may have recently heard of Tata Motors Ltd, as they are negotiating to purchase the Jaguar and Land Rover brands from the demonic and floundering Ford Motor Co.

The Nano is actually a pretty sexy little number, if you consider vaguely egg-shaped objects sexy. It’s a 4-seater and doesn’t have a huge get-up-an-go, but it doesn’t need it. The Nano also sports no truck, as it’s a rear-engine vehicle. Even with taxes the Nano will go for about half of what the world’s former cheapest car from Maruti Suzuki costs. The cute little thing gets an impressive 45 miles per gallon. It’s designed for developing nations, such as India, China and Africa, who traditionally have relied on scooters, motorbikes and bicycles for locomotion. In India only 8 people in 1000 own cars, and The Nano is an attempt to not only tap a new market, but an effort to more safely get people around without having to pile 3 people and several hundred pounds of cargo onto a tiny scooter. And they do that. It’s friggin’ nuts.

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/ousiv/idUSDEL00094120080110


Definition of Self-Delusion

(JERUSALEM) President Bush announced he was “confident” there will be a peace plan in place between Israel and the West Bank before he leaves office. He thinks there can be a peace, establishment of a Palestinian state, and an end to the Israeli occupation of the West Bank, which has been going on since 1967. Bush has reason to be confident, it having been a full 12 or 13 hours since a salvo of Katyusha rockets rained down into Israel. I wish that were a joke. Also, Israel won’t accept any peace negotiation that doesn’t include the Gaza Strip…which is controlled by Hamas. You may remember them as the terrorist group that violently overthrew Palestinian control of Gaza. Yeah, they’re the guys who don’t recognize Israel as a nation, and want it wiped off the planet. Sure, that should only take a year to hammer out, no problem.

Calling the President delusional at this point is rather like calling Hitler “a little angry,” but even for Bush, believing not only that there will be a Middle East peace, but that his influence means anything is delusion of epic proportions. “I am committed to doing all I can to achieve it,” were the President’s words.

I’m not sure exactly what in Dubya’s reputation makes his Swiss cheese of a diseased mind think he has any credibility in the Middle East. Which do you think carries more weight, his continued dick-waving behavior in the region, or the fact that this week was the first time he even bothered to visit the Israeli area in his 7-year tenure? Maybe it’s the fact that he pretty much ignores any country that either (a) doesn’t contain oil, or (b) that he doesn’t want to launch his next holy Crusade upon that makes him the perfect adjunct to this peace process.