On The Right (Am)Track

11/10/07

Just an update on yesterday’s post concerning the potentially poop-laden story about a Japanese tourist being carted off an Amtrak train for taking pictures out the window. I contacted Amtrak about the matter, and by “contacted” I mean I emailed their customer relations department since my level of apprehension concerning using the telephone to contact persons unknown to me approaches real phobia. I asked if they were aware of the story and if it had any validity, and information on their…photo-taking policy. Here is their response:

Dear Ryan,

Thank you for your recent email.

As
information, amateur photography that does not interfere with passengers or crew
is permitted on board trains. Regarding the recent article you referenced,
Amtrak is investigating the matter. While the results of investigations
involving our employees are confidential, please be assured that Amtrak is
committed to customer service and any appropriate action will be
taken.

We appreciate your interest in Amtrak and hope we can serve
your travel needs in the future.

Sincerely,

Amtrak
Customer Relations

As you might imagine, this interaction left me less than satisfied. It was, however, more than I had expected. I’m not sure whether they knew of the alleged incident before my contact, but I like to think not. Their rather vague response leads me to conclude one of several tantalizing possibilities:

1. Amtrak had never heard of this and even as we speak a crack-team of internal investigators is swooping down upon the matter like a falcon on a barn swallow.

2. Amtrak has heard of this and is in the process of punishing the offending conductor who possesses delusions of godhood.

3. The story is so patently ridiculous they won’t even bother to look into it and are merely pacifying me.

4. Amtrak has heard of it, is investigating it, and it will turn out to be false.

5. Amtrak has circled the wagons in a desperate attempt to cover up their dastardly plan to form their own sort of “Travel Gestapo,” loosely affiliated with the soulless demons down at the Department of Homeland Security.

For sheer, blogging mileage out of this story, I certainly hope it’s either #1 or 5. Honestly, it’s probably #4.

I love the fact that I have single-handedly created several tasty new phrases in this post alone that will hopefully worm their way into the American lexicon. Namely, “blogging mileage,” and “travel Gestapo.” You’re welcome, America.