Running On Empty

2/2/07


I have had a request that it might be nice if I did a preliminary post concerning the upcoming ’08 Presidential Election, and as I have a shortage of other things to complain about just now, I’ve decided to happily oblige. For those of you who have no interest in such things, I urge you not to vote. Please, stay at home and, I dunno, whittle farm animals out of soap or whatever it is you people do while the rest of us try to have a civilization here.

Next year’s election is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which being the colossal price tag associated with anyone who wants to give a run at our nation’s highest office. Federal Election Commission Chairman Michael Toner has said this race will be “the most expensive in American history,” and that any sucker wishing to be “taken seriously” will need to bank at least $100 million in funds by the end of this year [1]. Cripes. In another glib little sound bite clearly meant to illustrate that he has never worked a minimum wage job in his life, Toner said, “Call it a $100 million entry fee.” Or, as a tagline I have suggested, “Fuck the Homeless.”

The other reason the upcoming muckraking grudge match and is different is the fact that for the first time since 1928 no incumbent candidate is running. V.P. Dick “Shot an Old Man in the Face” Cheney has stated, in no uncertain terms, that he will not run, or accept any nomination. With the field wide open like that, the number of candidates lining up on both sides is thick as a Depression-era bread line. Officially the process of weeding out the terminally un-electable and just plain loony will continue through June, but the major contenders will become a little clearer after the March primaries. What’s the plate look like now? I’m glad you asked.

Republican Hopefuls

The heavy-hitters of the elephant party are Arizona senator John McCain, former NYC mayor and 9/11 juggernaut Rudy Giuliani, and former governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney who is the one that kinda looks like a weatherman…okay you’ve probably never heard of him. Curiously none of the afore mentioned giants have officially announced that they will bid for president, but they might as well be walking around with campaign donation boxes stuffed down their shorts they’ve got such a raging hard-on for the job.

McCain / Giuliani / Romney

Polls among Republican-leaning voters have put Giuliani as the current front runner, but he’s only a scant few percentage points ahead of McCain, if at all, with anywhere from 20-30% of red voters favoring either man. Newt Gingrich (is he still alive?) weighs in with about 8-10% support, and Romney tips the scales at 5-8%. After that candidate support bottoms out sharply, with the remaining shiny little hopefuls such as Huckabee and former NY governor George Pataki raking in 1% each. A man can dream, I guess.

Pataki to voters: "Get out the pity vote!"


Democratic Hopefuls

The Democratic field is littered with candidates all hoping to drive a stake into the heart of that lumbering Republican behemoth that has done such a bang-up job of running the country lo these many years. You’ve probably guessed the first tier of racers: NY Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton, wildly popular fast-tracker Senator Barack Obama of Illinois, devilishly handsome Senator John Edwards of North Carolina, Delaware Senator Joe Biden, and the curiously gnome-like Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich. Whew! There are more, but frankly, who cares?


Clinton / Obama / Biden / Edwards


Kucinich


Clinton and Obama are out ahead right now, with Biden and Edwards bringing up a strong following. I do find it interesting and inspiringly progressive that the two current front runners for my preferred party are a woman and a black man. Ultimately, though, I’m not sure either is electable. I thing too many people hate Hilary and Bill, she comes off a bit harsh and some of her speeches are just…odd. Obama is charismatic, driven and has exciting ideas, but ultimately I just don’t think he’s experienced enough. Then again, Hanni brought up an interesting point to counter that. She said, “Well, I think the past 6 years have shown us that good experience isn’t a must to be President.” Indeed.

I saw Senator Biden on The Daily Show Wednesday night and despite his curiously odd comments recently that could be construed as verbal diarrhea, I liked a lot of the things he had to say, especially on a solution to the Iraq debacle. He favors splitting the country into 3 regions, with the Kurds, Sunnis and Shiites each controlling their own. I like any Democrat who actually comes up with an opinion of how to run the country, rather than just explaining how admittedly abysmal the Republican plans are.

I’m pretty torn on this election, folks. I’ve oft said that John McCain is the only Republican I would ever vote for, because he seems level-headed, logical and votes his conscience, which often coincides with generally not fucking over humanity. I like Clinton and Obama, too, and almost have a pathological need to vote blue. But never fear, dear readers! I’ll keep you up to date and appraised as the Road to the White House ’08 trucks along.

[1] Wikipedia – US Presidential Election ‘o8