Hooray, Bollywood!

This...wow. I mean, everybody knows that Bollywood (or Baliwood, if you prefer) creates some seriously psychotic and frantic movies, but this is one of the strangest scenes you're ever likely to see. I can't say specifically why it's so disturbing, which makes it all the more bizarre.

Don't come crying to me if you poo your pants from the awesomeness within.





Is that a "little person" or a kid? I think I need to call my mommy now...

This Week in Honky Lunacy

9/26/06

The best thing about election years is that we get to see a staggering number from the lunatic fringe come out of the woodwork to shock and delight us. The only dark spot on this banana of hilarity is that usually these insane individuals actually breed, and more often than not they’re of the “white supremacist” flavor.

Last week I brought you the story of Glen Miller of Aurora, who warns us of the demonic dangers of “dark aliens” who are “stealing our jobs, our women, and our children’s future.” Well, This Week in Honky Lunacy brings you the ridiculously-monikered Texe Marrs. That can’t possibly be his real name; it sounds like something that would pop out of a “Find Your Jedi Name” generator. Like many of his peers (psychotic white people) Texe couches his venom and hatred in self-righteous Christianity and it might be more infuriating if his views weren’t so cosmically out there as to be ludicrous. I mean, it would be like getting angry at those people who think the “saved” are going to simultaneously fly (naked) into the sky whenever something called “Rapture” goes down, sometime between now and the end of time; it’s just too silly to actually argue against. But I digress. We were talking about Texe Marrs.

A former professor from the historically open-minded state of Texas, his website goes by the dubious title of Power of Prophesy, and brother, does it deliver on that front. In perusing the enormous list of books penned by Texe a picture of someone who might just ask you to share a pitcher of strange-smelling Kool-Aid with a seriously toothy grin on his mug. In America Shattered Texe joins the camp of those who believe there is a war on Christianity, by

“Courageously revealing the names of those responsible, Texe Marrs uncovers their grotesque plan to brand Christian parents as diseased, defective, and dangerous. And he unmasks their ultimate goal: the literal snatching away of our kids!”

Needless to say I was shocked, shocked and appalled that the liberal Jew media was not only attempting to lead us astray by shrewd non-existence, but also that Hilary Clinton “is not only a lesbian and a communist, she is a New Age occultist deep into black witchcraft and communication with the dead,” as Texe explains in Big Sister is Watching You. This is the kind of forward-thinking clarity you just can’t get anywhere else, folks!

Holy shit that’s a big bowl of crazy. But I think my favorite of Texe’s tomes is Mystery Mark of the New Age, where he details the Mark of the Beast through marketing logos and the upcoming, dastardly plan for committing genocide on “true Christians” and “other renegades.” Look out Lorenzo Lamas. But that’s not even the best part; the absolute pinnacle of this frothing rant comes when you look at the cover of the book: (if the pic doesn’t load properly click here.)


Just what in the Jesus-jumped-up-Christ is that? I don’t know about you, but nothing says “dark, evil über-plot” like a homosexual man from 1973 wearing a duster and rubbing a sword. Of course, his reflection in the water reveals that the Village People reject is actually a white-frocked sorcerer, as standing pools of water have long been known for their power to root-out demonic witches in human form.

I encourage you to check out some of Texe Marrs’s other fever-dream products, but I wouldn’t stay on his site for more than fifteen or twenty minutes; I started to feel faint after only twelve.

Texe Marrs, ladies and gentlemen: Honky Lunatic.

Bachelor Party

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you my photojournalism from

Aaron's Bachelor Party...

Kinda looks like Mike has a finger up Caleb's hoo-ha, doesn't it?

And now off to Dave and Busters!

Tequilla!

Welcome to Jowel Town. Population: 2

Aaron and his Bio-Dad

We won Brian with all our arcade tickets. Then he hit the sauce.

We spent a great deal of time Pod Racing. I'm totally a Jedi.

Lee Harvey Carter

I'm 'a gonna eat your nipple!

Aaron has yet to discover the art of gently asking someone for a "sloppy yawn."

We call him Old Drippy. That is beer.

Sadly, it's not the only fluid spilled on his shirt that night.

Chinese Fingercuffs. Nuff said.

Unfortunately they don't really let you take photos inside strip clubs, but we frequented the ones across the Mighty Mississip in a little Illinois town called Sauget.

Penthouse Club. It was adequately rocking for a Wednesday night.

There's something totally awesome about literally crossing the tracks to get to the next club.

Yeah, why wouldn't you want to order off the menu in a bathroom of PT's Gentleman's Club? Weird.

Back at the hotel and out on the balcony, baby!

There's something very wrong with Caleb.

This was the sweet-ass view from our room.

Next morning.

Yep. That's me. In between the beds with a chair cushion for a pillow.

The greasy spoon at which we ate the next afternoon. Our waitress was an ex-stripper!

Death From Above

9/1/06

Whether we're talking about mad inventor Nikola Tesla or ancient bad-boy Archimedes, I likes me some Death Rays. Tesla is said to have invented a "teleforce" weapon capable of melting planes at 250 miles out, and Archimedes was supposed to have been able to set fire invading ships with the awesome power of the sun concentrated through a parabolic mirror. Neither has been proven to actually have ever actually existed, and in the case of Archimedes, it has been amply demonstrated (see his link above) that even if the contraption had been real, the logistics behind it would be fantastically complex and dodgy to operate.

I tried to build my own death ray once, but lacking an engineering degree or any willingness to spend any actual funds, I settled on a potato gun instead. It couldn’t melt airplanes or combust ships, but you should see the neighborhood children scatter when spud-gun-wielding Ryan comes stumbling out of the house drunk with power and whiskey.

Totally kick-ass death rays may still be a thing of the future, but the same sort of technology is being used for a new type of solar power. Solar thermal power isn’t as popular as solar photovoltaics (PV-those slick panels that turn light into power) mostly because it needs heat as well as light to generate energy, and therefore you have to have a mostly sunny, hot area to install the generators. Like, Nevada, for instance. But damn if they don’t pack a punch.

Solar One is the name of the Nevada project, and it harnesses death-ray technology to create electricity. A parabolic mirror funnels incoming heat and light and concentrates it into a tube which contains some magical kind of oil which I'm too lazy to actually research. The oil is heated to over 700◦F by this process and, I guess, some rabbit pops out the other end with a big bag of electricity. Okay so I don't know all the ins and outs of the process (not an engineer, remember?) but this bad boy can crank out 64 megawatts during the hottest part of the Nevada day. That's enough juice to power 40,000 homes in Las Vegas, and even the largest PV array, located in Germany, can only muster a paltry 10 megawatts or so which, I guess, could power one video slot machine for an hour.


How much does this Solar One’s energy production cost? At the moment it's rather steep. It breaks down like this:

Electrical Production Price per Kilowatt hour

Oil and Natural Gas.........................................5-7¢
Hydrodynamics……………………………………..7-8¢
Wind Power…………………………………………...9¢
Solar One…..…………………………………………..15¢
PV (solar panels)……………………………………..30¢

As you can see, while still half the price of "conventional" solar power, Solar One is still a great deal pricier than good, old fashioned ancient fossils from the earth. Whereas PV can be used almost anywhere, Solar One also has the drawback that it has to be in someplace pretty hot and sunny almost all the time. However, up until the Bush Administration cut funding for this and other alternative fuel projects, Solar One was hoping to quickly get down to costs comparable to oil and gas. But, sadly, despite the fact that the oil companies get billions upon billions in government grants every year, alternative fuels get tags in the single-digit millions.

I bet if they were building a death-ray aimed at Iran out there in the Nevada desert Bush would loosen up the ol' purse strings a tad. Not to worry; soon global warming will tip Mother Nature onto her ass and we'll all freeze to death in a new Ice Age. The upside? I bet women will get much less choosy about who they bang.


Sources: Wikipedia-Nevada Solar One
NPR-Solar Power on a Massive Scale